never confuse compassion with love.
compassion feels like settling for someone. you look into their eyes and think, why not. you think a love that’s already yours, a love that is freely given, that comes ready-made, is easy. it’s not like everything you’ve read since you’d been growing up. he doesn’t make your stomach do somersaults. or make you laugh and spill your drink when something reminds you of what he’d said earlier. it feels like walking into a crowded room and there is already a place reserved for you. all you have to do is sit down, and he isn’t hard to get along with. sometimes he makes you laugh. sometimes he says what you are yearning to hear. sometimes he does the right things. and you know that with time, you will learn to love him. you tell yourself that this is love. but there will always be a voice inside you that tells you that your soul mate is out there: your exact half. your best friend. you could tell them anything and they always tell you what you want to hear because that’s what they would have wanted to hear too had they been you. somehow they are always there with encouragement, advice, jokes. they make you laugh until your stomach hurts. they take your hurt and make it lesser. they understand, they believe in you, they make you grin like an idiot on the way back home. that kind of love is the kind that’s hard. it requires patience. sometimes you may know he is your soul mate but he may be blind to it. this type of love needs courage. it needs time. there will be twists and turns, tears, times you just want to give up altogether. it’s walking into a crowded room and hoping he’d catch your eye and just know. and you stand there anyway, with the faith that he would. and though he might not- you can’t help it anyway. everything in your guts tells you it’s him. because when it’s love- love always finds a way. when you have faith, even the fighting seems like a dance, a soft waltz amidst the confusions, the noise, the lost connections.
there is no guarantee that your heart wont be broken. no guarantee either that you would arrive in his arms finally. only the guarantee that you followed your heart’s call, your intuition. only the knowledge that you walked down the path, so that you never have to wonder, after ten years have passed and you are waking up next to a man you settled for because he loved you, what would have happened with him. you have a conclusion. there is an ending.
and a brand new beginning.