i’m going to make a huge generalization here and say: it is so easy to fall in love with a person. what’s harder, and what we are eventually seeking for, is someone we can stay in love with. the kind of person who would sometimes have brocolli in his teeth or wake up with really bad breath or have a quick flaring temper..but also, the kind of person who would know when to say the right thing and when to let you storm around the house in your heels talking about how bad your day was. the kind of person with crooked teeth or a loud laugh or a stubble you wish he would just shave. the kind of person who makes all that disappear and is suddenly the most gorgeous human being you know. his weight, his looks, his flaws- all blend into something so uniquely him that you cannot help but wonder how he could have spent that x number of years before he’d met you without someone ‘putting a ring on that finger’. how did anyone ever not manage to hold back their guffawing laughter at his corny jokes, you wonder.
and that’s what’s hard: to see beyond what our eyes reveal. to see into another person’s soul means that this veil between our eyes has to be lifted and we have to see beyond our dense bodies, our ideas of perfection and beauty and way beyond physicality, into something more permanent and assuring- their personality, how they handle their bad days, how they handle yours. all the adages and cliches were true: from Shakespeare’s ‘Love not looks with the eyes and thus is winged cupid painted blind’, ‘ to Sam Keen’s ,’We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.’ To fall in love with something as temporary as looks is the easiest thing in the universe- but staying in love with something little more than a piece of art in your mind is what’s hard.
Thing is, we are all wired to find something that makes us feel alive, that makes us believe that though we meet a lot of people in our life simply because of our circumstances, we still can choose to find one person out there to spend the rest of our lives with. And it’s as easy as just knowing when that person makes your day better, no matter how bad it had been. I guess whether it’s a soulmate Jim/Pam relationship or Mindy/Danny ‘opposites attract’ relationship, in the end you choose the person who makes you better, who makes you question your ideas and beliefs, and while doing all that, still manages to sit next to you on the couch and watch your favourite sitcom with you and make you laugh harder than any tv show ever could.
Beyond all that (and before all that) I think what we need is to realise our own inner beauty and our potential. We need to stop looking in mirrors and validating our self-worth with our bodies. We are more than that. I think what we need to do is cultivate our soul. Find a sassy bold self-confidence that isn’t tied to something as temporary as our looks. Or even tied to someone else other than ourselves. We should love ourselves far, far more than anyone else does, because though we forget it too many times, we too deserve our own love and affection. How can an empty jug pour? When we are bubbling with love and optimism, it’s infectious and spreads around and cheers people up. And as inside, so is outside: when we love ourselves, we are sending a beautiful cosmic message that we are ready for somehead-spinning crazy soulmate love.
“Have patience with all things but first with yourself. Never confuse your mistakes with your value as a human being. You are perfectly valuable, creative, worthwhile person simply because you exist. And no amount of triumphs or tribulations can ever change that.”
― Saint Frances de Sales