i’m sorry.

i’m sorry for breaking your heart. i am sorry for not being able to look into your eyes and tell you what you need to hear. i never want that to happen to me..and that’s why i don’t want to do the same to you. it’s breakin my heart too. my heart returns to you again and again, lingering in my sighs and dreams. i never said no, i would learn to love you, be with you for the rest of my life. it would take time but it will happen. i will one day old your hand and look into your eyes and draw you in close and kiss you hard. i will shout that i loe you, whisper that i am yours. that i won’t have it any other way. but now the distance, your silence, sits uncomfortably between us. words aren’t enough anymore. i miss you. all the childhood years of ours together, all the years and years of teasing and playing catch and hide and seek, the wanting and the chasing; and i’m sorry. i am sorry that i have placed this heart under lock and key, for someone who still escapes me, who doesn’t love me, and i’m only hoping that he’d look at me the way you do. but i want to love you the way i love him: with fiery passion and subdued love. i want my stomach to do sumersaults at the sound of your name. my world to be filled with the answers you’d given me. i want my world to change and be better with you, the way it has with him. you deserve such a love; not a love that grows with time. you deserve kisses that can’t be held back, you deserve hot white exploding love, not a slow lingering hopeful love. you don’t deserve promises, you deserve them already fulfilled. you don’t desrve a dream. you deserve reality. so please don’t say you love me, at least not just yet. i know you’ve been waiting for such a long, long time. but please give me some time, to accept that he doesn’t love me back, please give me time to fall in love with you too. to look into your eyes and see all the possibilities of us stretching across the limitless skies. let’s take this slow. give me some time. i never ever want to break your heart. you are the last person who deserves a broken heart. 

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