running out on faith.

you were like a boy who dragged burning cigarettes over my bare skin.

you were the smoke between my eyes, the drunken faith at 1 am, the reason for all my naivety and all my belief in love.
i loved you and that was the ending and beginning of everything.

but love isn’t enough is it.
it wasn’t for you.

i still want someone to hold me. it would be nice to be held, to be told that i wasn’t stupid all this time believing in a boy like you. but there is a time to give up on illusions, to give up on you. there is a time for realizing that love is just a compromise, a settling..it is just a decision and it’s easy to not choose love.

a part of my heart will always be broken irreversibly; the part that grew up drunken with the idea of love and soulmates and slow dancing in the kitchen to Elvis songs. the part that loved you.

goodbye old friend.

goodbye to the old me too that used to sit up late at night swearing love by you, that used to believe you out of all this 7 billion could never hurt me this much this way. it’s funny. this feels like a shot without bullet wound, this feels like my heart was trampled on but there is no sign of foot imprints. it feels like collisions without a dent.

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