your kiss

tastes like fresh cold sweet tangerines in july:
explosive.

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salt.

she shows me how her eyes hold water
and tells me he is an ocean.

i ask her why she doesn’t sail away.

she sighs.
rubs salt between her thighs.
takes off her eyes and rests them by the window sill.

maybe the weather will change, she tells me.

the wind blows and blows
there is a salt hurricane in her little room.

somewhere, her cat cries and pees into the bundle of horoscopes
by the door.

i tell her people don’t change.
i tell her rubbing salt on herself won’t make him love you.
i tell her she is not a lighthouse and he is not a lost ship.

she gathers her cat, she opens her legs and says he will come.

leave, she says.
get out.

you.

i was so afraid to love till i met you;
till you showed me how easy love should be,
how i could lie awake at night, not running off to write
poetry, because i already found poetry in your mouth,
in the way you look at me sometimes, in the way
you pull me in so close to you the entire world blurs
and im surrounded by your scent, your words,
your taste on my lips, my taste on yours,
and finally: there is

peace

and ive run away so many times
but when you are not here holding me and warming me
when the absence of you plummets through me over
and over; so acutely, so stubbornly it hurts,

i miss you

ive finally found peace in you
in those mornings when i could have sworn i felt like
every burden had been lifted, every fear put on hold for a while
with you, things feel so right and so beautiful and so simple
and i am such an idiot to let this go, because all i want
is

you

but how do i tell you this,
when i am this scared, of hurt. i live in calendars and schedules
and little checkered boxes because messy things frighten me
because i am scared closing my eyes for a second would mean
i would fall off the diving board, into infinities of disappointment
because i am scared i’ll have to say goodbye to you too

and how do i do that

when your touch paralyzes me,
when the thought of us sweetens every sadness, makes things so
worthwhile, makes the days a little happier, makes me want to
lose myself in you over and over again, in your dizzying laugh,
your sweet eyes, the way you have your little freak-outs
and all i see is this boy ive tried so hard to run away from

but i can’t

because ive run out of places to run to
and you are always here.

love isn’t enough.

tell me, is love ever enough?

what are promises without commitments. what are whispers in the dark without a hand that holds you when you are blind. what are those shy glances, those smiles, the exhilaration of a kiss- only smoke signals promising nothing. you could love someone but never be blinded in such intoxication. he isn’t here to stay.

no, this isn’t me destroying your fairy tale. or asking you to wake up. this is me telling you that you are worthy too. and you are worthy of more than being settled, much more than comfort. find someone who loves you and stays. who never makes you question where you stand with him.

 

someone who loves you without inhibitions or fears.

because one thing that love makes us, is fearless and courageous. and in all this bravery, do not forget all the love you have forged for yourself. do not let yourself be a second choice, be someone he has to think about, do not be an option. you are more than that. always remember your worth.

 

because love will come and go, there will be others, but your self-respect, your worth- that’s there to stay. no one should make you sacrifice your values, no one should make you believe you are less than wonderful, and you should never ever let anyone treat you that way. it’s not love anymore is it, then.

go, run, unfold your own myth.

this is your story too.

<3.

 

on the other side of the postcard.

nothing in this world is certain;
so what can be said of you or me
i want all my tomorrows to begin with you
yet i know even this could be my last breath

so i’d like to tell you if ever you chance upon this read
i have always loved you, it seems, even before our time
and i am certain that between us is an unbreakable thread
that traverses our destinies and unites our souls

you’d scoff at me if i told you i had woken up some nights
with your name on my lips, every fiber of my being terrified
that i’d lost you- the feeling of losing you so familiar-
as if our goodbyes have surpassed our beginnings countless times

i hope you find love, dearest
it’s funny- so long i’d thought it mattered you loved me
and now i realize it doesn’t. all i desire is your happiness,
is for you to feel too, the electricity of love

the way it makes you hope against hope,
place faith in helpless things, find beginnings amongst endings.

she is lucky, you know. she has all her tomorrows with you.

i’m glad for our little dreams, our yesterdays,
i’m glad for the goodbyes because they gave me a hello with you
and i know tomorrow is but a dream, and i keep writing letters to you
that you’ll never read-

like writing letters to an astronaut i’m in love with-

but i love you.

it’s a little shout into the countless galaxies between us
that i love you in the way the sun loves the moon;
distantly quietly softly amongst shadows
without names or possesions.

i hope you find love; i hope you find all your beginnings
someday send me a postcard, i’ll let you know
my beginnings too.

x.