you.

i was so afraid to love till i met you;
till you showed me how easy love should be,
how i could lie awake at night, not running off to write
poetry, because i already found poetry in your mouth,
in the way you look at me sometimes, in the way
you pull me in so close to you the entire world blurs
and im surrounded by your scent, your words,
your taste on my lips, my taste on yours,
and finally: there is

peace

and ive run away so many times
but when you are not here holding me and warming me
when the absence of you plummets through me over
and over; so acutely, so stubbornly it hurts,

i miss you

ive finally found peace in you
in those mornings when i could have sworn i felt like
every burden had been lifted, every fear put on hold for a while
with you, things feel so right and so beautiful and so simple
and i am such an idiot to let this go, because all i want
is

you

but how do i tell you this,
when i am this scared, of hurt. i live in calendars and schedules
and little checkered boxes because messy things frighten me
because i am scared closing my eyes for a second would mean
i would fall off the diving board, into infinities of disappointment
because i am scared i’ll have to say goodbye to you too

and how do i do that

when your touch paralyzes me,
when the thought of us sweetens every sadness, makes things so
worthwhile, makes the days a little happier, makes me want to
lose myself in you over and over again, in your dizzying laugh,
your sweet eyes, the way you have your little freak-outs
and all i see is this boy ive tried so hard to run away from

but i can’t

because ive run out of places to run to
and you are always here.

unions.

i want to protect you
from every sadness in this world; this union
between us yearns to bring back the carefree in your laugh,
longs to bring light into the crevices of your soul

this is a longing that spans skies and horizons,
in this distance that is less than a distance, let me be there
your happiness has become my happiness, your sadness suddenly mine.

this is a love more than love,
in this depth there are no words, only a familiar happiness
with you, with only you. take my hand,
know i’ll never hurt you, this heart could never hurt any of you.

there are roads and bridges and dreams
that lead nowhere, and there is you- you have become
the road, the map, the destination.

outrageous rebellious love.

when you compliment me
don’t say i lost weight, like it’s the biggest victory of a woman
to lose ten pounds. don’t reduce me to a number.

don’t say i’ve gotten prettier, just because i put some make-up on.

don’t call me a sweetheart because you are lonely
don’t say, you saw me across the room and i caught your eye,
don’t reduce me to an object in the room

please stop undressing me when i walk in
as if i was nothing more than a dish you’d like to try.

don’t say you love me
because you think that’s the fastest way to get a woman into bed.

before you compliment me,
i hope you realize i don’t have self-esteem issues
because i’m not a size 0. i have my bad days,
but i love my body.

don’t judge me for something as shallow as my looks.

compliment me the way you compliment a man:
for his humor, his wit, his skills.

when you say you love me;
love me because i make you laugh, because i make your life
interesting, because you’ve seen the scars and you still want to
hear every story behind them. love me because of my gestures,
not for my figure, because of the way my eyes light up when i talk,
not for my looks.

before you compliment me, don’t think a girl feels bad
about herself all the time. don’t tell me i’m beautiful for my looks,
tell me i have a beautiful soul. that’s the lasting powerful kind.

before you say you love me, know i’ve always loved another.
i’ve been rebelliously relentlessly outrageously in love with myself
all this time.

and honey, that’s not gonna change.